He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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