Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
