If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
