NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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