Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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