I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
