somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize