This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
