I didn't shave. On purpose
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
