there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
