If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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