Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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