I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
