so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize