I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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