walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
