I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I don't want my vagina anymore.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
