i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize