I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
