i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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