It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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