I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
