Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
