Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
