$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Just cropdusted the office
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
