my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize