you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
In other news, I just burned my penis
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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