Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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