Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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