I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
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