I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
