Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
