its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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