he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize