My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
