i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Someone stole a lamp last night.
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