In the future we'll all be gay
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
