I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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