I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
