you traded sex for a burrito?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
