she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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