i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
