how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
