I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Randomize
