im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
