i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
