he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
