I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Randomize
