Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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