Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
