She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
did you just send me my own nude
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
