If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
