I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
