He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
