I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
