Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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