Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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