I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
