I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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