he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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