Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
