oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
