we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
