My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Randomize